Identity

I think it's funny, for a person to judge one's identity solely on his or her outward appearance or the way they present themselves, especially artists or people of the arts.

If you only see the difficulty in being original when everyone else seems to have already made a mark by the way they dress or talk; that no matter what you do you'll always be stepping on somebody's established territory; that originality is non-existent in this day and age; then you haven't discovered the origin of you.

We are all made up of many different parts that may be similar to one another but putting these parts together creates something uniquely you. They key is in finding what really comes out as what you're really about. Not the way you look, nothing about appearance. It's the way you think and act on it, and not giving a hoot about what others might say because you know yourself better. You dress what you think, not think what you dress. This is not about putting up a show to impress, it's about being originally you.

When you doubt yourself from what others say about you, then it means you're not strong enough to carry on with being yourself. Life is not an effort to please others or to garner some form of attention, to be liked and popular and whatever that comes with it. Life is a struggle in being content and at peace with yourself and your Creator, the One that knows you the best.

So, don't tell me originality is a lie, it only means that all this while you've been measuring yourself through others, it is futile. Try measuring the sky with a matchstick.

for K

by accident, you may have sent that email to me. but i thank you, old friend. for any news from you is heaven sent.

and now i wish you'd come and talk to me again.

name

Today, I shall write your name in the air and breathe you in.

dead flowers

Despite the fact that the flowers you gave me died the moment the gardener cut their stems, I love them still. And now since I love you so much, I will have them mummified. Don't you love me more for that?

tin bucket

Darling, this love is like a tin bucket of water with pin-sized holes punched at the bottom. We can stand and watch its content slowly drains out to make a puddle or we could keep on filling it up to feed our little garden.

As long as you help me carry this load, happy is carrying us down this road.

Someone

Once, in a relationship that I thought was going to last, I thought wrong.

Again, in this relationship that I think and I hope will stand the test of time, I wonder if I'm mistaking you for someone else.

Someone that understood and accepted me as all that I am, all this while. Someone who's willing to fight for me and by my side. Someone who's not afraid to lose me for his conviction tells him it will never happen. Someone I could love without hurting so much from every single frown of impatience and brush of rejection, for the remedy is in the quick act of saying sorry.

I'm sorry I thought that someone was you. And I'll repeat this mistake over and over again if I have to.

Because

And because the world is round, we run in circles.
And because the sun is bright, we cover our eyes.
And because there's truth in everything, we will find out the lies.

i imagine

I imagine a shadow following my every step, slowly sucking and feeding upon my flesh, wishing to become whole. One day she'll wear my face, sing my songs, pretending to be me. But she will never be me. Even when there's not enough of me to sustain her existence, and she will find some other victim to leech on, she will always be a shadow without a shadow of her own. She will always be a shadow, wishing to become whole.

My best friend made this. ;)

- Posted using Mobypicture.com

if you think

Secret Gig

I'm planning a small gig to celebrate my completing my degree in UiTM. Drop your email address if you're interested to join this graduation party gig. ;p

Location and date of event shall be discussed when we have 50 lucky participants. Like I said, it's a small gig. Thanks guys!

pain

WARNING: contains mature/violent content that may be offensive to some

it's like out of the blue
somebody knocks you down
and you tumble headfirst onto the ground.
you grovel on the gravel,
searching for the card
that says get out of jail free
but it's gone

and blood drips from the crowning wound,
covers your eyes,
you cry to wash it away,
the bloody tears would not stop.

then he rips your chest open,
with one swift sharp motion,
claws your heart out,
tears it to small unrecognizable shreds
and throws it behind and above his head
like a confetti
welcomes the dead

he leaves you to die in the cold.
your blood making a shallow pool
for a watery grave
here lies a fool
for love lost its cool
and no one was saved

by Ana Raffali

040409 Borders Bookstore Berjaya Times Square

Ahh.. A fantasy really.

Anyway, I'd like to dedicate this song to my best friend, A. He went balik kampung. This is such a pretty sad / sad pretty song.

Nothing Compares 2 U by Sinead O'Connor

It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor n'guess what he told me
Guess what he told me
He said girl u better try to have fun
No matter what you'll do
But he's a fool
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

all the flowers that you planted, mama
In the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

My Evo

Will update the blog later about this electric experience. ;)

alter ego and RANtAi

I'm starting a side-blog in malay. Just another way of expressing myself. I think it's not fair to write songs in malay and english but not a blog in malay and english. I know I'd save more time by being bilingual in here but, I don't wanna mix things up.

I'll try to divide equal attention and love between my bloglings. ;p

***

Dark clouds were hovering before we, (Ana Raffali and the Marhaens) walked out of our HQ for a short drive to the Red Bungalow. It rained like a showerhead, opened and stucked in full-blast. One can only be grateful that one is not atop tall buildings handling electrical appliances while lightning was celebrating its existence.

The public's reception of us was pretty sweet. It felt so good to be able to play alongside the Marhaens again, although the line-up this time was different with the addition of Abg Mie (Flop Poppy's drummer) and Abg GG (guitarist and guitar luthier), to the original cast and crew Abg Aidit, Abg Andy FP and Adik Iqbal. ;p

It was the first time we played My Darling to its fullest rock potential. Ahh.. I so wanna play it again and again.

13 Dec

I'll be performing for a RANtAi event.It's been a while since I blogged extensively. For a change I'll try to document the preparation for the gig. ;)

Link to the event

A little confusion

Here's something to ponder.

I received a call from the bearer-of-good-news-thus-far with a bad news saying that the organizer decided not to pick us (Ana Raffali and the Marhaens) for the upcoming celcom UOX gig.

Not a big deal, really. (I've secured another special gig on the very same day.)

However, imagine my surprise when I visited this page to find that the voting is still going on. Now, if one has decided not to feature someone then it would only be right and civil to be more transparent about it. I. e. there shouldn't be any voting since the acts have been decided earlier on (reportedly). My sincerest apologies go to all of those who have voted before and recently. I appreciate your time, effort and phone credits.

In short, Ana Raffali and the Marhaens are not going to play for the UOX thingy.

Dear friends and family

Guess what! I've been chosen as one of the possible performers for UOX Play this 13 Dec on the Sungei Wang Rooftop. It's soooo cool, of course it'll be cooler if we do actually get to perform there. So, I need your help to land me the gig.

Please follow the following steps;

1) Sign up here to entitle yourself to vote.
2) Go here to vote for me. ;)
3) Receive my deepest and warmest gratitude.
4) Wait and pray for the best.

Wish me luck!


DISCLAIMER:

You can stop voting now. There has been one big misunderstanding. Apparently, I was a little behind with the whole voting thingy. You have voted at the wrong page, the real voting page has yet to be announced. Thank you for your votes thus far. I would appreciate it if you could vote again when the actual voting page is put up by the organizer.

More information regarding the event can be found here.

If I get the votes, then I'll be sharing the stage with indie bands; Butterfingers, Hujan, One Buck Short, Tempered Mental, Laila's Lounge, They Will Kill Us All and Bittersweet. That's just amazing... :o amamamamazzzzing...

I'll post the actual links when I can, so hang tied. ;p

Hujan Bunga di Bandar Kuching

Right after my french exam, I took a plane to Kuching for my first ever visit to Borneo. I was invited to perform for a kindergarten graduation ceremony as well as emceeing the event. In case you haven't figured out, I adore kids. They are such a joy to be with and having them singing "kalau rasa gembira" (if you're happy and you know it) complete with all the motions was simply amazing.

Of course it was absolutely spontaneous. The gleam in their eyes when I took Woodie out was unforgettable. They were crowding around me as if I was holding a golden monkey or something extraordinarily wonderful. And when they recognize the tune I was playing of course they just had to dance and sing along. It was magical. We repeated our act onstage afterwards and it was equally as memorable.

I sang HBKL(Kuching version) and Sepasang Sudu, a song that I only played once in a gig. Woodie did not disappoint. Although I forgot to change the strings and it was buzzing a little, the music was sweet enough to carry my voice, which happened to be recovering from a bad cold.

I don't really know what's wrong, but I seem to be prone to catching colds. Well.. maybe I do have a tiny suspicion of what might be causing the frequent sniffles, but it's not like I can change my bad habits as easily as saying "I will change my bad habits".

I am having a bad cold right now, bad as in the asthmatic kind. Kak Zaza had to give me a jab a little north from my seat of wisdom. They say that it hurts more if you're really sick and lemme tell you, I am probably sick as heck cause it felt as painful as heck. The temptation to cancel my appearance in ARTrage could not equal to this one single thought: the show better be worth the pain in the ^$$.

Well, considering the fact that I'll be playing with Iqbal (si pemain cello), and him alone, it should be mighty interesting and gutwrenching. I suppose the worst thing that could happen was if I were to forget the lyrics to my own song. Not that I have so many songs that would render me incapable of recalling them under gutwrenching circumstances anyway. At least not yet. ;)

ARTrage Lab

Please bring your RM8 along. ;p