Love song for Ana

Tugging at the sleeves where I'm wearing my heart on

It was a last minute thing, to tell you the truth. I found out that he was in town the night before his 2nd show in Ebisu Garden Hall, just last night. I was listening to his songs and decided to google him and there he was waiting for me. Hehe.. Good thing I had a few Japanese friends around to help me get the ticket. We ended up buying it in a convenient store not far from the dorm. I was jumping with joy at the thought of seeing him.

The concert was awesome. It was electrifying, orgasmic, and sentimental. I would like to make a public announcement that John Mayer is currently the unrequited love of my life, make it the number one unrequited love of my life. I don't know why I like him so much, I just do. Maybe it's because of his sexy voice singing all those beautiful songs. Maybe because it's just him. Whatever that supposed to mean.

There were soooooo many people, pushing and shoving but I still had a good view of him somewhere third row or in between. There were times when it seemed impossible to move my body to the songs because it was that crowded but I stood firm in my spot because I knew John could see me from up there. There were moments when we sang together, word for word. In those brief moments somehow it almost feels like we knew each other. (I know, I know this is turning into a hopeless romantic vain story with minor embellishing, but I swear he really looked my way more than once because I could see his lips curved into a smile when I smiled at him.)

When he finished playing eleven songs and said "Thank you, doomo arigatoo!" and the band also waved goodbye and went off stage, I kept on clapping and shouted "encore" and "we want more" or something like that until people started to join in and we created a momentum and it forced my prince out of his castle. He brought out his acoustic and I shouted out "3x5, please." It turned out it was actually in the setlist incase the fans wanted more. Fantastic.

The last song that the band played was "in repair" and this song will always be special in my heart because John and I was making out through that particular song, symbolically of course. It was when he was performing awesome guitar licks and his fingers were everywhere and he looked at me and saw that I was so into him and he was so hot with his mouth parted and so was mine and we were moving together to the same rhythm of the guitar and he smiled because he knew what we were sharing and it was the best experience ever.

He is incredible, loving those hands and mouth, wondering what else they are good at. Ehem.. Anyway, I got his setlist which is still a prize next to his guitar picks, which was impossible to get sice there were too many hopefull and determined individuals around. I was particularly lucky though, there were quite a number of people reaching out for the two pieces of paper put together. Maybe it's cause I said "please" to the technician that's why he gave it to me.

The setlist

I got the chance to go back stage with the help of one of his band mates and took picture with the guys. Too bad my lil Johnny was not around.. *sigh But, then maybe it's a good thing, I might jumped on him or something like that and he won't ever recover. ;p

The band or 1/2 of the band

I am the kind of person who believes that everything happens for a reason. I do not know the exact reason why I should be so intoxicated and under heavy influence of Jo-chan, but I think it has something to do with picking up the guitar again and writing more thoughtful songs. I've always needed the push. Now, I feel inspired, like a song is somewhere sleeping between me and my pillows. If I could just wake him up, perhaps with a promise of a breakfast in bed, then things would fall into place.

Somehow, as impossible as it may seem, I have a feeling that John and I will meet again, another concert maybe, just a feeling.

John Mayer - Love Song for No One

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here(1st time Oh, yeah)
2x
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

Touch your feet to the sky

Swing swing - The All-American Rejects

Days swiftly come and go
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall

Did you think that I would cry
On the phone?
Do you know what it feels like
Being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, swing, swing
From the tangles of
My heart is crushed
By a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again?

Dreams cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old
They bend, they fold
And so do I to a new love

Did you think that I would cry
On the phone?
Do you know what it feels like
Being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, swing, swing
From the tangles of
My heart is crushed
By a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again?

Bury me
(You thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(Away, away, away)

Swing, swing, swing
From the tangles of
My heart is crushed
By a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again?

Kindergarten Nov2006

Being on a swing is like being in love. When you see your feet almost touching the sky, you feel like you could never get any higher than that. And you push yourself just enough until you get tired and bored and wish to stop. Afterwards you have to start all over again, and as you push yourself again and again, you realize you have been farther than you thought you could. Until you get scared and sick, so you let it slow itself and die on its own.

Digging the past

Karuizawa Oct2006

White roses, black horses.

Koré opened her dark brown eyes, only to discover that she didn’t know where she was. Strangely, she couldn’t even remember coming to that place. For one thing, she couldn’t register her surroundings since it was very dim. But somehow, the place was awfully familiar, as if she had been there before. Only she couldn’t recall.

Even in the dark, she knew that something different, almost magical that refused to reveal itself was present. It was very quiet, peaceful, as a pleasant kind of stillness lingered in the air. And suddenly, ever so swiftly, the world seemed to be waking up from a deep sleep as the sun rose up to greet the morning. And for the first time, Koré noticed her environment, an attention grabbing terrain in a new light.

The grass was a rich color of deep green and the heavens were a tremendous shade of baby blue. There was a small lake in the center of the clearing, a mirror of the vast sky. And tall trees, which stood like crooked pillars, surrounded it. Not far from the lake was a wooden bench situated under a cherry tree.

Koré saw sparkling dewdrops glistening in the sun. She heard a faint sound of a running stream and smelt a tantalizing fragrance of white roses blossoming. Very soon, she began to hear songbirds making music in the air. One wonder after another unveiled itself, and the sights and sounds of it all fascinated her. It was the most beautiful place in the world, she declared.

All of a sudden, the ground began to shake and Koré heard a soft yet distinct sound of running horses that grew louder and louder by each second. The noise was magnified and even the birds stopped their merrymaking and chose to run and hide.

Koré had the bizarre feeling that something big was heading for her direction. And her attempt to prepare herself for whatever was coming her way proved to be useless. Out of the thickness of the trees, emerged a group of horsemen on strong fierce looking black stallions. She was so scared that she even forgot the idea of turning her tail and run. The horses stopped within a few inches from her and Koré almost fainted clean away.

She nervously watched as a tall handsome rider got down from his horse and walked steadily, confidently towards her. The playful smirk on his face was the only thing she needed to feel foolishly brave and downright insulted by the way she was treated. Those hooligans almost made her jump out of her skin. Before she could launch a verbal attack, to her surprise, the stranger bowed courteously and spoke.
“Greetings, I am Lord Iruka of the castle of Azure. Welcome at last, Lady Koré.”

Koré was speechless, a wave of bewilderment swept over her. Out of politeness, all she could do was nod her head in acknowledgement and smiled uneasily. Iruka as the stranger called himself, raised his right hand and all the other men took it as a signal to leave the two of them alone. As fast as the wind, they sped off, leaving hoof prints on the grass.

“Come with me, Koré and I’ll show you whatever you wish.” It sounded more of an instruction rather than a suggestion. But he had a domineering quality about him, an aura of authority that made it impossible to refuse him. And Koré, half reluctant and half confused followed him as he took her for a walk

Iruka was amazing. He managed to capture her interest with his knowledge as well as his charm. The topic of their conversation varied from art to music, sports to food, nothing in particular and everything altogether. He listened intently to her opinions and even though they argued a lot, they were all in good terms. Iruka surprised her, he intrigued her, but most of all he bedazzled her with his mystifying qualities. And pretty soon, Koré began to feel something funny inside her heart, some kind of a silly pounding every time he looked at her with a smile so generous that it reached up into his eyes. They glittered like a pair of blue topazes shining brilliantly in the clouds. Something strange was happening, something wonderful was on the brink of taking place.

After the walk, they rested on the bench under the cherry tree. Koré was thoughtful for a whole minute. She was busy evaluating the situation. It happened so fast without her realizing it. There was something about him and this place that filled her with a weird sense of familiarity. But, something wasn’t right. He was still a stranger, since she hardly knew anything about him. Oddly, they only talked about certain things and about her for that matter, but never about him. It seemed that neither thought of bringing it up.

“Tell me about yourself, Iruka. Tell me something from your past.” She requested.

In that instant, his face changed. There were traces of sorrow in his eyes; a kind of forlorn discontent covered his face. He spoke softly, almost dejectedly.

“I don’t have one.”

“What do you mean you don’t have one?” Koré looked at him, confused and frowning. He was hesitating, anxious all of a sudden and somewhat distraught. But the pleading look in her face compelled him to reveal the truth.

“You didn’t create one for me.”

The statement hit her with a force so great that it almost made her collapse. And then slowly, everything seemed to fall into place. The white roses and the black horses; the bench and the cherry tree; and most of all Iruka himself. They were too perfect, too wonderful and too unbelievable to be real. Now she knew why, this was just a dream.

Koré felt her heart sank and her eyes burned with unspoken sadness. The truth had always been painful. But why didn’t she realize it sooner? Before he showed up, before she even had the courage to believe in him. He was just a figment of her imagination, for crying out loud. She had conjured him, and he didn’t even exist. Koré knew that there was only one thing to do. She must return to her real world.

“I can’t stay here anymore. You and I both know why, this is just a dream. It’s not real and it won’t ever be.”
The words tasted like poison in her mouth.

“But you can. You have a choice. Stay here and be with me, don’t leave and you’ll be living your dreams.”
He pleaded with gentle warmth in his eyes.

“No, I’ll just be dreaming. I don’t belong here. We are not meant to be. I have to go back. It’s the only way.”

He swallowed bitterly before he nodded understandingly.
“Close your eyes, and when you can hear me no more, open them and you’ll be where you’re supposed to be.”

Silence fell upon them like a blanket, burying and suffocating her. Iruka prepared his horse for departure. Koré just had to ask one final question, out of love, out of hope.

“Will I get to see you again?”

He mounted his horse and spoke.
“Maybe yes, maybe no, we’ll see. I’m always here, waiting for you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in me anymore, Koré. The important thing is, I am alive because of you. Even if it’s a dream, dreams do come true in the end if you believe in it.”

Before she could say anything, Iruka disappeared out of her sight. Somehow she understood. She closed her eyes and savored the sound of his black horse speeding off into nowhere until all that remained was a gentle whisper of the wind. She opened them and smiled with gladness at the smell of white roses blossoming. And she instantly knew that she was exactly where she belonged.


ANH Raffali,
July 22, 2002.

(1316 words)