Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Life goes on

Out of the picture

I watched Casablanca today, bought the dvd with Japanese subs for 500 yen. I remembered watching it when I was much younger. And just now it was brilliant, as I was old enough to be able to understand what they're saying, the emotions and feelings that they wanted to portray. At first I thought I'd be sad because of the ending, when the hero didn't get to be with the heroin. But, somehow I wasn't. I wasn't sad because they weren't meant to be together, I'm content because the love that they had for each other still lives despite the outcome. Yes, the hopeless romantic in me is in full swing.

Rick: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong.
Ilsa: But, Richard, no, I... I...
Rick: Now, you've got to listen to me! You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louie?
Captain Renault: I'm afraid Major Strasser would insist.
Ilsa: You're saying this only to make me go.
Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
Ilsa: But what about us?
Rick: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.
Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you.
Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid.
Casablanca (1942)

You see, what I like about Rick is the fact that he was willing to let go of the one he loves 'completely'. No calls, no mails, no sms. They both knew that they won't see each other ever again and even if they will, they will not be together. Smart move since there is no point in being with each other when you can't be together.

Rick and Ilsa are not friends, they are lovers. They were in love, it was passionate and deep. There's no denying that their relationship formed on the basis of romance and attraction. Funny thing is, Ilsa unknowingly cheated on her husband whom she thought was dead and so technically Rick was her rebound, I'm afraid. But they had a marvelous time when they were together. Even if it was short, maybe around 3 months. Circumstances forced separation and perhaps it was for the good of everyone.

At first, Rick was bitter. He didn't actually know the reason behind Ilsa's abrupt change of mind (She found out that he husband was still alive). He thought she didn't love him, that their love was fake. But when she came back into his life and rekindled the feelings that they had once shared, he knew what he was supposed to do. He loves her, but he can't be with her. Therefore, he must set her free. Things haven't changed, they still have those good memories and it was enough.

The thing to remember is that it's easier to get on with your life assuming that the one you once loved is happy wherever he or she is. And you are free from being tied up to your feelings. It sure puts a smile on my face knowing that life goes on as you get over minor difficulties.

Mark and I, attempting to force a smile

Monday, September 25, 2006

Otaku-Otome 230906

What a dream.. to be amongst my kindred spirits.

This is only a small portion of the line of people waiting to get inside. We were lucky to be in the middle, very lucky. It turns out that we were suppose to get tickets before we could line up for this. Good thing I managed to secure the line while my friends ran to get them. When we reached the entrance, I instantly forgot how long it took us to be there. It was that awesome.

One of the earliest "person" to greet me. Kawaii ne? I remembered my brothers playing bomberman when I was younger. This adorable character can be misleading because as the name suggests, blowing up things is what he does. Pretty violent for something so cute.

I lined up for about 30 minutes to play the multiplayer game of Coded Arms Assault. I've never been particularly interested in 'point-and-shoot' games, but what the heck. When it was my turn, I managed to knock people out a couple of times. My team won and I scored the highest overall. That's a very good example of beginner's luck.

I love MotoGP but the latest game on xbox 360 was a bit difficult for me. It has been a while since I played and it was showing with my tendency to kiss all the other racers and get them on their backs. I'm that bad. ;p

'Guess who?' This is one culture I would love to submerge in. They look so cool and outstandingly admirable, I could not help but feel envious. I would love to try cosplaying at least once while I'm here. The thing is I don't know which character I want to and can play as. One thing for sure, I don't see myself going to a salon for a haircut anytime soon. People here really take their hobby seriously, with the time and money spent just so they could look like their favorite characters. I might as well try to look better as myself than look good as someone else.

Friday, September 22, 2006

coincidentally so

I think this one speaks for itself.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


For 2 weeks I had to settle for instant noodles and mushroom soup and the ocassional nasi, telur, kicap. Then 2 weeks ago I went to Tanashi, west of Tokyo for my homestay and had a fabulous time, eating and having fun.

This is while we were making dinner. I must admit, there were a couple of stuff I have never seen more so eaten before, like the devil's tongue. And my J-mom loves it. I just think the greyish thing looked weird and tasted.. different.

This is the best breakfast I have ever had in Japan. Check out the tamagoyaki, fried eggs/omelet. I so love fried eggs, I could live on them for weeks. If you can see my bowl of rice, its call kuri gohan, rice with boiled chestnuts (that tasted like boiled 'biji nangka' to me). It was on this particular breakfast that I was introduced to umeboshi, (pinkish reddish thing inside the bowl on the farthest left) dried plum that tasted so powerfully sour, I couldn't even swallow a small one.

The first time I went inside a supermarket and browsed through the wet section, I saw big reddish chopped octopus' tentacles and swore it scared the hell out of me. See that cute fish-ball looking appetizing delicacy in this picture, thank God that you don't have to see what's inside a takoyaki when you're eating it in one go.

And here we have teppanyaki, seafood cooked on iron plate as the name suggests. My J-family have developed a way to eat them straight and hot, and little me had to wait impatiently for it to cool down after burning my tongue the first time.

The last night of my stay for the weekend, my J-family brought me to a nice restaurant to have tempura. Now, I have eaten a number of things that I never thought existed during my first two weeks in Japan. But something I've always known was there but never thought I'd eat was actually a favorite appetizer there; fish guts, uncooked and heavily seasoned( I bet). I didn't know what got into me but thank God it was painless. It was actually not thaaat bad, but I think that was enough to last a lifetime. But, what came next cheered me up really good. I love tempura; ebi, ika, kani, you name it I've probably eaten the sea. The food kept on coming, after saying onaka ippai(my stomach is full) for the 5th time, I was definitely done for the night.

I don't think my mom and anybody else should worry about my diet in Japan. Minus the pink four legged thing with no neck, cows, chickens, ducks and other land creatures, I am good. Itadakimasu!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Your words.

I carried your words everywhere, thousands of them in my palm. I never thought of letting them go, because you mean so much to me and now your words meant more. For when you walked away, they were always there. Pieces of the memories you left behind, you never wanted to look at them and stay, because you said you were scared of the future. Isn't it funny, honey? You always said we can never tell the future, so where and what is the basis of your fear?

The most difficult thing I'm learning to do is to deny what was there and to think as if it never was.

Last night, I lost everything in my palm. Your words are gone, maybe it was for the best. My heart was not as tough as to let it slip through between my fingers. It wanted to believe that your words still held meaning and for that I held on. It's hard to believe that there was any meaning in them when it took you such a short time to give up on the reason for those words of yours in the first place. It's hard but you made it look so easy.

You wanted to have the only say in this because you didn't even care about what I want. I don't want to give up because I love you, I don't want to give in just because it's easy to do. I want the only one that feels right, and he is and will always be you.

Honey, I know you're tired of my mistakes. But what's the point in correcting them now that everything is wrong. How mistaken you would be to think that the distance would heal us. It doesn't help me at all. Instead of having the ones I love around me to get me through this hard time, all I have are faces of strangers. Worse, sometimes in those faces, I saw you. Your smile, your hands, your bits and pieces I wish I could forget but I don't think I ever will.

Right now, I'm sorry to have meant my words, more sorry than to have fallen for yours.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Dinner with the gang (Tom, Mark & Joe)

Shimada's dinner party. (Ashley, Kate, Jenna, Bakh & Tom)

Shimada's dinner party again. (Dan, Chris, Joe & Vanya)

Opening Ceremony. (Airi, Chie & Satoko-chan)

The International Friends Club.

Color Quiz III

Here's another color quiz, man its been a while.

ColorQuiz.comAna took the free personality test!

"Has an imperative need for some bond or fusion wit..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Your Existing Situation

Attracted by anything new, modern, or intriguing. Liable to the bored by the humdrum, the ordinary, or the traditional.

Yup, that's true. I am in fact in a different place. Almost everything is new.

Your Stress Sources

The situation is regarded as threatening or dangerous. Outraged by the thought that she will be unable to achieve her goals and distressed at the feeling of helplessness to remedy this. Over-extended and feels beset, possibly to the point of nervous prostration.

I'm trying my best not to think about the side-situation. Recovering and having fun.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.

Has high emotional demands and is willing to involve herself in a close relationship, but not with any great depth of feeling.

Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

It's funny, cause it always comes up like that. ;p And I must agree on the other parts that given the circumstances, there's nothing else I can do.

Your Desired Objective

Has an imperative need for some bond or fusion with another which will prove sensually fulfilling, but which will not conflict with her convictions or sense of fitness.

Yeah, that would probably help me get through it.

Your Actual Problem

Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. This feeling of powerlessness subjects her to agitation and acute distress. She attempts to escape into a substitute world in which things are more nearly as she desires them to be.

I'm tired and dissappointed, but here we go.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Stalking Tokyo

Last week's Monday, we had to make our alien registration cards because apparently; all foreigners are not from Planet Japan. Cute though. Anyway, in Bunkyo Civic Center, up on the 25th floor is an observation deck which has a 330 degree view of Tokyo. It was awesome. Looking down at the streets below, I kinda felt like I was playing SimCity because everything was so cute and small. The people, the cars, the streetlights. What was more amazing was that everyone was rushing, walking briskly with a purpose. I didn't see anyone who was just walking aimlessly, I felt like a stalker, which was all the more.. umm.. exciting?

Another thing that I felt was a sense of detachment, like I wasn't really there in Tokyo. But somewhere far far away. Hovering over people and putting thoughts in their heads.

Kimura: Lets go to Akihabara and get a brand new camera.

Takuya: Honto ni? Why not get a Sony CyberShot DSC-W30. In addition to sporting eye-level viewfinders in the fashion of traditional cameras, it is equipped with a large LCD screen and is significantly more compact than previous W-series models.

Kimura: What else is great about it?

Takuya: The new Sony CyberShot W30 offers a six-megapixel image resolution for high-quality prints, high-light sensitivity for fast-action shooting and more natural-looking pictures in low-light conditions, precision Carl Zeiss Vario-Tessar 3x optical zoom lens, and MPEG1 movie recording.

Kimura: Sugoi. Suteki desu ne?

Takuya: Hai. It's available in silver and white and blue I think, the Sony CyberShot DSC-W30 model features a 2.0-inch, easy-to-view LCD screen wrapped in a metal-alloy body with sophisticated etching and details.

Kimura: Sugoi. I'm gonna get that one.

Takuya: Ii desu. Here, I have the specs for it as well.

  • Effective 6.0 Mega Pixel
  • High sensitivity- ISO 80-100-0
  • Enhance Stamina- 400 shots
  • MPEG Movie VX (With Sound)
  • Playback Button
  • New OSD (On-Screen Display)
  • 32MB Internal Memory

    Add. Features

  • Carl Zeiss Vario Tessar
  • Focal Length- 38-114
  • F2.8-5.1
  • 3x Optical Zoom
  • AF= 50cm - infinity
  • 16:9 Shooting
  • 2.0" TFT LCD
  • Real Imaging Processor
  • USB 2.0 High Speed
  • Flash Distance- Auto 4.2M
  • ISO 1000 7.9M
  • PictBridge
  • AF Illuminator
  • 7 SCN Mode (Twilight Portrait Landscape Soft Snap Snow Beach High Sensitivity)

    Supplied Accessories
  • NP-BG1 Battery
  • BC-CSG Battery Charger
  • AV Cable
  • Wrist Cable
  • Cyber-shot Viewer

    Yup, putting ideas alright..

    My nephews would love this picture.

    And this one too.
  • Thursday, September 07, 2006

    I think of you

    Ivy - I Think Of You

    I think of you
    Whenever I'm alone.
    Whenever I get lonely.
    I think of you
    Wherever you may go.
    I know that you are only
    One dream away.

    So don't give up, baby.
    Don't give in.
    If we try we can begin again.
    I know what we've been through.
    But I still think of you.

    I think of you
    Whenever I get down.
    Whenever I get weary.
    I think of you
    When you're not around.
    I wonder if you hear me
    Call out your name.

    So don't give up, baby.
    Don't give in.
    If we try we can begin again.
    I know what we've been through.
    But I still think of you.

    Honey, I love you more than you know.

    Wednesday, September 06, 2006


    One of the things on my wishlist is to experience a Japanese rock gig. I got my wish soon after I went to Akihabara to get the camera. There was an open air festival-sort of event in Ueno Park and I had one of the best gigs in my life.

    Yes, I could barely understand what the heck they were singing but people were right when they say that music is universal. I was moving my body and banging my head to the rocking sounds of the japanese underground scene.

    Yes, I do have my favorite acts, Tribal Chair's music was hard not to enjoy, I would list it along the same group as Love Me Butch, an awesome local band that I love. And the vocalist was sooo hot. His english was good as well, I found out about this after the gig though, I am that serious about music. Plus, he can really work up the crowd. Yum yum. (I was reminded of my honey who kinda look like a Japanese.. who underwent a plastic surgery to look more Malay or something like that but still is hot as heck.) Hehe..

    Another good band is Last Alliance, one thing great about them is the fact that even though they've finished their setlist, they came back again and again after the crowd clapped them back on stage. It was super cool of them. I was eyeing the basist and then realized that he was the one who sold me my UpField no kiiro tii shatsu. Sweet.

    What a way to end the weekend, by the time we arrived back at the dorm, the guys were already back from Mt. Fuji. Yes, we missed climbing the mountain but compared to the fun that I had with the aching legs I would be having, I think I made the right choice.

    "Just because it's there doesn't mean you have to climb it."
    -Prof. Jeff, a cool lecturer from Hawaii.

    Tuesday, September 05, 2006

    a letter to the ghost of a lover

    dear loved one,

    i so hate you right now. i hate the fact that i could barely sleep last night and im afraid of going to sleep tonight in case the same thing happens again and i would be tossing and turning and wishing i was back at home where i was happy wishing for air-conditioning instead of really having it over here. i wanted so much to tell you things i knew i wont be telling you if i had waited a while. its like i have to get it out or it will fade out in time and somehow time seems to crawl yet it doesnt help in retaining what i wish to keep.

    is it so hard to show a bit of understanding, compassion knowing how difficult it is to starve yourself in the future just so you could keep it going? i've never asked for much and when i did you said i was demanding. maybe i am and if you dont like it maybe i wont demand anything ever again, maybe i'll just forget.

    i rather not be taken at all than be taken for granted. i think i've made it clear to you before time and time again. dont ask me what you didnt do, tell me what you have done then maybe you'd see how frustrated i am. i love you but maybe its better to hurt not loving you than hurting when i know you wont ever feel or care as much about us as i do.

    honey, im tired and i want to cry but tears get stuck halfway and i know its too easy to let it go but somehow i just cant. i miss you.

    Little Ms. Ana in Japan

    Here I am in the land of the rising sun, however corny that sounds. For the past 6 days, life has been very good, very very good indeed.

    For example,

    this look harmless enough

    but what's this?

    Oh, it's a camera!

    Yup, I went to the digital city and got myself a brand new sony cyber-shot the Japanese model for 27 000 yen = RM810 (An early birthday gift from very very good friends). Why the Japanese model as in having the menu all in Japanese? A. Cause its way cheaper than the overseas model (around 42 000 yen). B. Cause its way cheaper than the overseas model (if I had the money I would not be explaining this).

    The store attendant was sooo nice. His name is Te and he speaks better English than most would assume. He was the one who recommended me the camera and provided me with the English guidebook knowing how wonderful my Japanese is. But its fun having an authentic Japanese gadget like my sony. One thing at least everybody will know that I got it in Japan (show-off). Secondly, it would help me with my almost non-existent Japanese.

    Which reminds me, classes started today. The first class that we had was Basic Japanese. Now I've always been indifferent to placement tests of any kind, but the Japanese placement test that we had made me feel like a bad-*ss school kid whose main purpose going to school is not to learn but to piss off the teacher or something like that. Yes, the reason for the test is to filter us into two classes, the beginners and the intermediate. With my Japanese language education back home, it gave me an added advantage to be placed in the first class. Despite how the name might suggest, and knowing the extent of my personal tutoring of the language, it would be obvious to which group I belong. Thankfully, I shall not be alone as some of my American comrades are standing along the same line.

    Funny thing is, I think I did pretty okay in the oral test. I understood most of the questions although I replied most of them in English. But outside of the classroom, with the help of Bertlitz Phrasebook courtesy of my brother Adi, I can pretty much survive.

    So far, I have

    1. worn a Yukata.
    2. went to a summer festival.
    3. eaten Tenpura with Soba noodles in a traditional soba noodle shop.
    4. ridden on the Tokyo Metro for more than 5 times.
    5. went to an outdoor rock gig that happens twice a year in Ueno Park.
    6. eaten raw Mackerel and regretted it.

    Lets just hope I won't be too lazy to write them all in this blog. (My poor lil bloggie, you need some tender loving care, don't you?)

    NOTE: Kirim salam kat semua kat Malaysia.