.

Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

c for cats

I am a cat person. I loooove cats, I could relate to them really. They are fiercely loyal and affectionate. I think if I was an animal, I'd be a cat. By nature, I am intensely curious.

I've been googling around to see whether my name is mentioned anywhere and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that a number of people have been kind enough to write some rather nice and encouraging comments, be it in their fotopages or blogs. I have compiled a few links and would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for taking interest in my music. You are too kind and I really do appreciate the support. ;D

YouTube Profiles: Little Miss Ana (Musician) By: Michael Jung

The gem that is Malaysian By: SISUAHLAI

Pagi: Farid kawin, petang: rakan muda. 29122007 By: keriangandunia ikwan

Reka @ Layar Tanchap By: sifoo.com

Nightingale... By: doopy81

The Underground Music Scene By: Zalikha

Untitled Document By: webmaster@arcticbit.net

Meow meow..

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

l for love

I LOVE music, it's an obsession. I don't think I could ever go a day without it. So, lately I've been given a huge share of it. Oh yessss.

Amir, one of my closest buddies, is in a hardcore band called "nostalgia". They were pretty awesome. I never imagined my friend to be so rockstarish on stage. It was a pleasant surprise really.



Estranged is one of my favorite local rock bands. And they are a pretty nice bunch of people in person too. They pulled off a great show during the finals of the anugerah juara lagu. Rich started the song slow on the acoustic, enunciating every word with honesty, setting the mood or emotion for the song. And then wham! they hit it off only to come back again slow and picking it up from there. Oh and the strings added a lovely warm feel to it. Nice nice nice.



Radiostar, my mentoring band, had a live recording session for a radio station the other day. I got the opportunity to sing the duet titled "Hanya Milik Dia". I sooooo love this song. The band is rather awe-inspiring. I had loads of fun jamming with them.



I went to this gig a couple of weeks back to catch this super sweet band called lightcraft. They were (and are) awesome. They opened their set with "those beautiful shapes" that happens to be my favorite track in the soon-to-be-out 2nd EP. Those guys really know how to pull at my tender heartstrings.



My friend, Islah is in this band called Sonar. He taught me some interesting bits on the guitar, pretty cool. Here is a song he wrote;


Friday, January 25, 2008

m for music

I don't remember exactly how I started writing my first song, or what my first song sounded like either. But I don't think I'll ever forget why I write and its significance in my life.

My songwriting process falls into;
1) words on paper first, then melody. E.g. Small Hearts, Paint Me etc.
2) melody first, then words. E.g. Hujan Bunga... Masih, Lovely lovely... etc.
3) both together. E.g. Dan ku biarkan... Ghost, etc.

I find myself more attached or driven to (3) as it gives off a sense of destiny to whatever it is that comes out of my mouth in song. But I do take pride in (1) since they are more thought out and purposeful, each word in each line is there for a reason maybe only I am aware of.

I suppose the most important thing for me in writing songs is my intention. I used to be very shy in sharing my songs since they are actual pieces of my thoughts and day dreams that I wish to preserve and express in words. Hoping that once they take shape and take flight in beautiful melodies, I can reconnect with them anytime, anywhere I want.

Of course, it's rather scary to place your heart out in the open for others to prod and dissect. But, it's actually how I deal with stuff and the issues in my life. Music is my plastic surgeon, it's how I take care of old wounds. Instead of them leaving scars, I have songs to remind me that I am human after all.

And to have people coming up to me and share how the songs make them feel or reminded them of something dear is like sugar down with the bitter pill. I could never thank these people enough for taking the time to let me know how I have made even the smallest of impacts in their lives.

I'm all about being honest really. The words to my songs are actual thoughts in my head given form and function. Just two days ago, I wrote a song about a stranger I met while riding the LRT. He was standing next to me, I didn't exactly see his face but I sense his presence. A kind of attraction coated in an aura of strange familiarity. Every inch of me screams for the will to just turn and look him in the face and smile, if not to breathe out a hi. But, I didn't. I just couldn't.

So all throughout the train ride, I only steal glances at him through the glass window. Like standing outside an ice-cream shop and drooling over that tasty treat, knowing that you've already burst your budget on books, wishing that you didn't.

And only too soon, I had to leave for my stop. As I board off the train, I just knew that I want to remember this sense of loss and stupidity in a song. I just knew it in my heart that this had to be.

It took me four months and another experience to lure the song out. I realize that although the two situations are different, the message was clear.

Gelas Kaca

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik gelas kaca.
Mengintai setiap gerak halusnya cukup untuk buat ku leka.
Selagi kedengaran bunyi guruh, selama itu khayalku berlabuh.

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu.
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku.

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik gelas kaca.
Mengharap setiap detik merangkak sempat untuk buatnya sedar.
Selama kedengaran bunyi guruh, sepanjang itu hatiku pun luruh.

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu.
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku.

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik gelas kaca.
Menyusun setiap langkah kecewa hampa saat meninggalkannya.

I'm doing the hudson on my own song. ;p

Glass Window

I watched him from afar as if I was standing behind a dark glass. Mesmerized by each tender move that I saw in secret.
As long as I hear thunder, all the while my thoughts would fly.

Wouldn't it be nice if I was the ruler of time?
I would gather just enough for him to get to know me.

I watched him from afar as if I was standing behind a dark glass.
Hoping that each second would crawl, giving more time for him to realize.
All the while I heard thunder, my heart was collapsing.

Wouldn't it be nice if I was the ruler of time?
I would gather just enough for him to get to know me.

I watched him from afar as if I was standing behind a dark glass.
Arranging each disappointed steps, my heart was breaking as I left him.

Haha.. True story.

EDITED: 040308

Tingkap Kaca

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik tingkap kaca.
Mengintai setiap gerak halusnya cukup untuk buat ku leka.
Selagi kedengaran bunyi guruh, selama itu khayalku berlabuh.

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu.
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku.

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik tingkap kaca.
Mengharap setiap detik merangkak sempat untuk buatnya sedar.
Selama kedengaran bunyi guruh, sepanjang itu hatiku pun luruh.

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu.
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku.

Words and music by Ana Raffali (anaraffali muzik ent.)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

d for dark chocolates

If there’s anything in this world that I do believe (wholeheartedly) contain a bit of magic that would be Beryl’s Black Bitter Chocolate.

I was having a rather difficult day today, despite the fun that I had in class with the kids. Let’s just say, I am disenchanted. I waited and waited for the moon to fall into my lap, but he was fast asleep all day, naturally.

So, what does little Ms. Ana do to cheer herself up?

Apart from grabbing Mr. Johney Honey, the love of her life, she devours Mr. Beryl Black and swallows Mr. Sparkling Ribena, her constant lovers.

And they work wonders, I’m telling you. I am willing to let everything slide, to have the spell put back on me in full. To forgive (although maybe not forget entirely) and forgo my sense of self-importance.

If only the moon really wanted to fall into my lap in the first place. If only the moon would just give me a call.

Yup, Beryl’s Black Bitter Chocolate works wonders, and wonders may not necessarily be good for your mental health.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

z for zoo

"do you know zoo negara?"

That's my default question in giving directions to my house. I'm not bad with directions, I'm just lousy at providing them. This could be because I don't drive, thus I take the streets for granted.

I had a dream that I went to the zoo, at least that's where I think I was.

zoo [zoo]
(plural zoos)
noun
1. park displaying live animals in enclosures: a park where live wild animals from different parts of the world are kept in cages or enclosures for people to come and see, and where they are bred and studied by scientists
2. chaotic place: a place characterized as being full of noisy obstreperous people creating confusion and disorder (informal)
[Mid-19th century. Shortening of zoological garden ]

Microsoft® Encarta® 2006. © 1993-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.


Come to think of it, most of my dreams tend to revolve around no2.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

j for johney



Johney, my honey
the white in my lies
the black in my beryl
the blue in my skies

Johney, my honey
the twitch in my hurt
the breath in my sigh
the truth in my word

Johney, my honey
the tears in my drought
the sting in my bite
the stain in my doubt

Johney, my honey
the gleam in my moon
the shade in my shadow
the shine in my spoon

Johney, my honey

[this could go on forever actually...]

w for waves



My sister, Jannah has been making waves through her blog by her rather courageous effort in writing about a wrong to right the wrong. I have made my opinions on the matter numerous times in various occasions. Perhaps it's time to take it home.

I personally think that Ms. (Datin) Natasha Hudson should have just kept mum about this, delete her blog earlier and quietly leave the country for a few odd years and all of this might possibly die out like crocs in the concrete jungle.

Instead she chose to deny her wrongs and furthermore inciting our disapproval as well as insulting our intelligence by coming up with rather amusing and childish responses, in fact non of which could redeem her lost soul.

And up to this point, despite the waves that Ms. Jane is creating, Ms. Nat has yet to own up to her deplorable deed, come out clean and apologize like she means it. That would be the right thing to do, although it might not be the easiest.

I think we, the waves, have moved beyond doubting the truth in the allegations. Perhaps one thing to ponder on is how could one as beautiful as she, ended up doing something so ugly.

What we write or say in sincerity is an extension of our hearts, a reflection of our souls. That's why to bloggers, our writings mean the world to us. It is through decoding our thoughts in words that we are able to deal with our lives. We don't necessarily speak in all honesty all the time but even then what we write would still reflect if not who we are, at least who we aspire to become or part of us we chose to let die.

So it was rather painful to see something you know to be in its truest form be distorted into something else that, although would look pretty on paper, have lost its charm, character and intention. And even more hurting when the person who's responsible for the deed neglected the simplest awareness that the least you could do is to cite your sources. Sad, indeed.

I feel rather adventurous tonight, so I'm pulling a "natasha". Here's my take on A. Samad Said's Irama Rindu

Yearning Rhythm

Wind doesn't embrace messages
Lover doesn't reach out her hand
I'm dry from this burning yearn--
Years of yearning without song.

Night doesn't bring the moon
Lover doesn't worship love
I'm smashed by this nesting hurt--
Soured hurt throughout the years.

Why did Adam love Eve,
The same with Lela Majnun?
Why does my love for you, my dear,
has never been rained with flowers?

Would I become a hydrogen dirt
that doesn't recognize human affection?
Would you want me to be the devil
forgetting kindness, ambitions and love?

Isn't it so that knitted lives
bring peace and happiness forever?
Why won't you, my dear, accept
our hearts alongside each other?

The farthest distance of five continents
The highest hope towards seven skies
all of this would be near to me
once you, my dear, are willing to be one.

Kelana Jaya
January 20, 2008

Original;


Irama Rindu

Angin tidak memeluk pesan
kekasih tidak menghulurkan tangan
aku kering dibakar rindu--
rindu bertahun tidak berlagu.

Malam tidak membawa bulan
kekasih tidak menyembah sayang
aku remuk luka bersarang--
luka tercuka sepanjang zaman.

Mengapa Adam sayangkan Hawa,
Lela Majnun begitu juga?
Mengapa sayangku padamu adinda,
tidak pernah ditaburi bunga?

Bukankah hidup kait-mengait
membawa abadi aman dan bahagia?
Mengapa adinda tidak terima
hati kita berganding sama?

Lima benua jauh perjalanan
tujuh langit tinggi harapan
semua ini dekat padaku
bila adinda rela bersatu.

Singapura
12 Oktober 1954



Pak Samad rocks!! So don't let the waves consume you, just ride with it.

Friday, January 18, 2008

b for boys

I haven't seen my best buddy for more than two years. Azlan was my team mate during my highschool debating days. And now he's in med school and despite the change in his appearance (he used to part his hair to the side looking adorably geeky), I'd say he's still the Alan that I know.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear that he was seeing someone. Alan happens to be an idealistic pessimist. He told me, he has never taken his girl out on a date and that I was the first girl he has ever gone out with alone. And that worries him being the gentleman he is. But I assured him that we weren't on a date. Personally, Alan is too much of a friend for the thought to even cross my head. And I make it a point not to date friends, but that's another story.

"Why don't you take her out on dates?"


Being the pessimist that he is, he fears that if he were to go out with her and they are tremendously happy being with each other, it'll only be frustrating when they have to endure the wait of finally being together. Alan prefers to think negatively so that if he's already at the lowest low, there's nowhere else to go but up.

"That's very noble of you but you can't just think about the future. You have to make memories of now as wonderful as you can because little happiness is happiness all the same."

One thing I must credit him is the fact that he believes in a long-term relationship and he wants to do it right. Alan knows what he wants and he's willing to work for it.

I'm rather envious. Alan's girl has found the best person who loves her as much if not more. If only more boys grew up to be Alan, so sure and determined to be happy with the only one he loves. Alas, most boys only love to play at love.

I shared with Alan my side of this neverending story. I am weary. Tired of being in love with someone who's incapable of loving me. I have decided to take it as it is. I care about him but I don't want to care anymore if he cares about me. Somethings are just the way they are.

I realized that it has been more than a year since I actually went out on a date with a non-imaginary possibly hot-blooded guy. I was nervous and excited and clueless and kept on saying to myself, "Ana, what are you getting yourself into?" I have no answers, only plenty of questions. Although I appreciate frankness and honesty in people, I do understand that some just can't handle it. So I am left with keeping my mouth shut, painfully.

Being someone as expressive as I am, it is difficult to contain how I feel about certain topics. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. It should not take a guy long to know whether I like him, even quicker for the reverse.

Alan told me that it's easy to like a guy, but giving your heart to him should be tougher.

"This is your heart. If you're planning to give it to anyone, he has to prove that he knows how to care for it. It's like you can't give RM50 to just about anybody. You only give it to those you trust and know would put it to good use. Your heart is worth more than RM50, Ana."


If only more boys grew up to be Alan.

I'm an optimistic idealist/idealistic optimist. I believe in that elusive thing called true love. But, I can't live my life getting in and out of relationships in the hopes of it being it this time, everytime. That's why I don't date boys (or friends) anymore. I don't believe in picking out from the crowd and going with the flow. It's either "you're it and we'll make this work" or "you're not what I want, I'm sorry".

It must sound pretty dumb to some but that's just me. Like I said I'm weary and I don't play games, at least not the kind in mind.

So if you know what I want and you want the same, just say it. But if you're not sure, then stay away at a safe distance from this little ms. scorpion because she stings.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

k for kites

If I was a kite
I'll fly along the sky
I'll be red, big and bright
enough to catch your eye

But you won't ever see me, even though you try
For you are merely the mirror of the sun
And before the night wheels into day, I'll fly
while you, my moon are always on a run

If I was a kite
I'll fly along the sky
I'll swim into the night
Just to catch your eye

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

a for apples

I used to be in love with a doctor. But I couldn't be with him. So I started eating an apple a day to keep him away. It didn't work, but I noticed that I had a healthier complexion. And fuji apples are the juiciest, tastiest, most scrumptious apple, I believe to be the king of all apples, at least in my heart. So, what did I do to ward off the doctor? Simply by never falling sick again.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

alphabet soup of the day

a for apples

b for boys

c for cats

d for dark chocolates

e for eggs

f for food

g for ghost

h for honesty

i for independence

j for johney

k for kites

l for love

m for music

n for nasi lemak

o for once

p for pictures

q for questions

r for random stalking

s for sushi

t for timing

u for ultraman

v for valentino

w for waves

x for x marks the spot

y for you

z for zoo

NOTE: Will write entries on the above topics.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Bukan Mekanika


[Non-mechanical]

Dulu dunia jadi saksiku gila
[One time, the world was a witness to my insanity]
...
senyum bersedih, menangis gembira
[smile in sadness, cry in joy]
...
mujur aku ditampar sedar
[good thing I realized like a slap]
...
aku bukanlah sekadar mekanika
[I'm not merely mechanical]
...
yang senang kau pasang semula bila patah
[easy to reattach once broken]
...
yang mudah kau baiki bila goyah
[easy to fix when unstable]

dulu kau bisik janji tanpa makna
[One time, you whispered empty promises]
...
hanya hanyut dalam harapan semesta
[just drifting in a universe of hope]
...
dan akhirnya kau dihimpit rasa
[and finally you're crushed by your senses]
...
hatimu bukan sekadar mekanika
[your heart is not merely mechanical]

yang senang kau pasang semula bila patah
[easy to reattach once broken]
...
yang mudah kau baiki bila goyah
[easy to fix when unstable]

Dulu dunia jadi saksiku gila
[One time, the world was a witness to my insanity]
...
minum air mata, makan lagu cinta
[drinking tears, eating love songs]
...
mujur aku ditampar sedar
[good thing I realized like a slap]
...
aku bukanlah sekadar mekanika
[I'm not merely mechanical]

Monday, January 07, 2008

Perlu

Perlu
[need]

Hari dia lafazkan
[the day he said]

tidak cintakan aku lagi
[he didn’t love me anymore]

kau pun mati
[you died]

habis manis campakkan
[discard when the sweetness is gone]

tinggallah kesan aku pasti
[leaving traces I’m sure]

kau pun mati
[you died]

kini ku sendiri
[now I’m alone]

cinta hadir dan lari
[love walks in and runs away]

aku masih disini
[I’m still here]

cinta hadir dan lari
[love walks in and runs away]

aku masih disini
[I’m still here]

cinta ku perlukanmu lagi
[love you are needed still]

hatiku yang kau tawan
[my heart imprisoned by you]

kau lepaskan ia pergi
[has been set free]

kau pun mati
[you died]

halang semua kenangan
[curb all memories]

hapus harapan aku bila
[my hopes destroyed when]

kau pun mati
[you died]

cinta hadir dan lari
[love walks in and runs away]

aku masih disini
[I’m still here]

cinta hadir dan lari
[love walks in and runs away]

aku masih disini
[I’m still here]

cinta ku perlukanmu lagi
[love you are needed still]

cinta ku perlukanmu lagi
[love you are needed still]

cinta ku perlukanmu lagi
[love you are needed still]

cinta ku perlukanmu lagi
[love you are needed still]

cinta ku perlukanmu lagi
[love you are needed still]