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Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Friday, January 25, 2008

m for music

I don't remember exactly how I started writing my first song, or what my first song sounded like either. But I don't think I'll ever forget why I write and its significance in my life.

My songwriting process falls into;
1) words on paper first, then melody. E.g. Small Hearts, Paint Me etc.
2) melody first, then words. E.g. Hujan Bunga... Masih, Lovely lovely... etc.
3) both together. E.g. Dan ku biarkan... Ghost, etc.

I find myself more attached or driven to (3) as it gives off a sense of destiny to whatever it is that comes out of my mouth in song. But I do take pride in (1) since they are more thought out and purposeful, each word in each line is there for a reason maybe only I am aware of.

I suppose the most important thing for me in writing songs is my intention. I used to be very shy in sharing my songs since they are actual pieces of my thoughts and day dreams that I wish to preserve and express in words. Hoping that once they take shape and take flight in beautiful melodies, I can reconnect with them anytime, anywhere I want.

Of course, it's rather scary to place your heart out in the open for others to prod and dissect. But, it's actually how I deal with stuff and the issues in my life. Music is my plastic surgeon, it's how I take care of old wounds. Instead of them leaving scars, I have songs to remind me that I am human after all.

And to have people coming up to me and share how the songs make them feel or reminded them of something dear is like sugar down with the bitter pill. I could never thank these people enough for taking the time to let me know how I have made even the smallest of impacts in their lives.

I'm all about being honest really. The words to my songs are actual thoughts in my head given form and function. Just two days ago, I wrote a song about a stranger I met while riding the LRT. He was standing next to me, I didn't exactly see his face but I sense his presence. A kind of attraction coated in an aura of strange familiarity. Every inch of me screams for the will to just turn and look him in the face and smile, if not to breathe out a hi. But, I didn't. I just couldn't.

So all throughout the train ride, I only steal glances at him through the glass window. Like standing outside an ice-cream shop and drooling over that tasty treat, knowing that you've already burst your budget on books, wishing that you didn't.

And only too soon, I had to leave for my stop. As I board off the train, I just knew that I want to remember this sense of loss and stupidity in a song. I just knew it in my heart that this had to be.

It took me four months and another experience to lure the song out. I realize that although the two situations are different, the message was clear.

Gelas Kaca

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik gelas kaca.
Mengintai setiap gerak halusnya cukup untuk buat ku leka.
Selagi kedengaran bunyi guruh, selama itu khayalku berlabuh.

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu.
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku.

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik gelas kaca.
Mengharap setiap detik merangkak sempat untuk buatnya sedar.
Selama kedengaran bunyi guruh, sepanjang itu hatiku pun luruh.

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu.
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku.

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik gelas kaca.
Menyusun setiap langkah kecewa hampa saat meninggalkannya.

I'm doing the hudson on my own song. ;p

Glass Window

I watched him from afar as if I was standing behind a dark glass. Mesmerized by each tender move that I saw in secret.
As long as I hear thunder, all the while my thoughts would fly.

Wouldn't it be nice if I was the ruler of time?
I would gather just enough for him to get to know me.

I watched him from afar as if I was standing behind a dark glass.
Hoping that each second would crawl, giving more time for him to realize.
All the while I heard thunder, my heart was collapsing.

Wouldn't it be nice if I was the ruler of time?
I would gather just enough for him to get to know me.

I watched him from afar as if I was standing behind a dark glass.
Arranging each disappointed steps, my heart was breaking as I left him.

Haha.. True story.

EDITED: 040308

Tingkap Kaca

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik tingkap kaca.
Mengintai setiap gerak halusnya cukup untuk buat ku leka.
Selagi kedengaran bunyi guruh, selama itu khayalku berlabuh.

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu.
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku.

Dari jauh ku lihat dia bagai berdiri di balik tingkap kaca.
Mengharap setiap detik merangkak sempat untuk buatnya sedar.
Selama kedengaran bunyi guruh, sepanjang itu hatiku pun luruh.

Alangkah eloknya, jika aku menjadi raja waktu.
Akan ku himpun masa untuk dia mengenali aku.

Words and music by Ana Raffali (anaraffali muzik ent.)