Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Humpty Dumpty

Poor little humpty, who fell and broke himself.
Stupid little dumpty, who sat on the wall in the first place.

Have you ever had the (sinking or sickening)feeling that something bad was going to happen if you were to do something but you went ahead and do it anyway? It's as if you know the consequences of your actions will not be good but somehow you didn't do anything to prevent it. It's like watching yourself do something you will regret, but not having the will to stop yourself.

Remember when you were young or young-er, how often your mom reminds you of this and that, "Go to bed early or you're going to be late for school tomorrow," "Do your homework or your teacher is going to punish you," "Don't eat too many ice-cream or you're going to catch a cold." All of these and more, and instead of obediently following every single one, the spark of rebellion hits your small(as in a child's) brain and you refuse to abide. What happens?

"Ana, you always have to learn the hard way.."

Thanks, mummy. To think that after a day that began...
1) with you running to school only to stand instead of sitting among your classmates during the assembly, purposely extended with a prize giving ceremony for the tidiest class and other supplementary give-aways for classes that are not so tidy but are good enough to come second and third and the tidy-has-never-been-a-word-in-this-class,(note that the last often receives the most applause)
2) followed by a talk on the importance of recycling, (this punishment, in theory functions to injure your walking mechanics and numb your brain) plus the snappy taste of the good-ol-sugar cane on the face of your palm(licked twice to prevent the sting to last longer),
3) and after recess, thinking that your day would not get any worse, came the hundred ear squats(fully clothed) for failing to produce a completed workbook and being without any good excuse and forgetting to leave the incriminating evidence at home.
4) top the day with the tell-tale signs of a runny nose,
Would you still be doing the same thing, knowing better? Haha.. Not me.

Come on! I bet at least 1/3 of the people out there don't exactly learn the first time. It's almost inhuman. People make mistakes on a daily basis, anyone who doesn't can sign up for sainthood. It's only natural that we learn form our mistakes. But the question is, given the early signs, the God-given intuition that stems from the depth of our hearts, do we necessarily do the right thing? And sometimes, it's almost second-nature not to pay any heed to it.

It's like seeing a pair of scissors out of place, knowing you might need them later but not picking it up and putting it where you can easily find them. Next thing you know, you need them and it's not where you think it was and you ended up buying a new one and several days later the old one turns up and so now you have two scissors. One more and you will be known as a collector.

My point is(finally), there are times when you inherently know what you have to do, and what you should not do. But sometimes, you tend to go the other way around. The question is how come you allow yourself to do it when you should know better?

Monday, April 24, 2006

Dishwalla Rocks!

"Somewhere In The Middle"

I was out the other day
and I saw you in your big black car
and I was waving as you were passing
cause I know who you are
you had this look that of an angel
it was such a bad disguise
did you think for second I would not realize

tripping hard falling down onto the ground
cause I can't stand up
and I can't fall down
cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this

I was out the other night
and I saw you so we had a fight
it was late and I was lonely
and its such a long way home
so I asked you if you'd join me
for a single last call drink
so you turned and bought us 2
and you didn't even blink
you had this look that of an angel
it was such a bad disguise
when you drink it makes you angry
when I drink I want you more and more and more

tripping hard falling down onto the ground
cause I can't stand up
and I can't fall down
and I'm somewhere in the middle of this

well I find it hard
I always tried to find the sane life
but I don't like the way things are
and I keep falling to my knees
somewhere in the middle of this

How come this great band lacks the coverage it rightfully deserves? Good lyrics and super sound. Guess some things are just meant to be. Too bad eh?

Friday, April 21, 2006



I have a very close friend that I care about a lot. But it seems that he doesn't think that I care about him enough. I'm sorry. I guess I haven't been a good friend. There's no valid excuse, maybe I'm just not a good friend to begin with.

I used to have the biggest crush on him, but my girlish silliness went away when I realize that it was just that, a crush. But somehow, I'm thankful because as I grew up and so many things happened in between, I came to realize that what I feel for him now is worth more than the stars and the moon put together. How do you explain the love you have for your best friend? You can't, you just do.

I know 'he's just a friend' is way overused. But, somehow that's just it. I'm sorry. I can't give more to the relationship than what I already have. And that's also not an excuse for my part. Yet, I didn't lie when I said he was special, he still is.

Would it be easier if I tell him that I don't want things to change, I'm selfish and I want him to always be there for me regardless of who he's with and who I'm with, I just want that special bond that we have to always be. I want us to one day look back and laugh at how foolish we were to blow it out of proportion.

So, what have I done wrong here? What hope was there to give when maybe there shouldn't have been any in the first place? Am I cruel for being misguided and confused? Wouldn't it be simple just to accept it as it is, that I don't know? I didn't know what I was doing then, do I actually know what I'm doing now? Of course not and that's just how it's going to be.

I'm sorry but I really have no excuse and I don't think I'll ever know the answers except that things happen because we allow them to become. I guess that was long overdue.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Sepetik Telunjuk 01042006

The gallery

Last Saturday was the opening night for the experimental photography exhibition by a few of my photographer friends. The crowd was really encouraging since it was the first time ever for something like it to be organized. I am so proud of them. It was fun, a few of my friends came which made it all the more memorable.

Amir was the first one to come, we went from one photo to another, playing a game of, "Lets put a caption to this one!" It was hilarious. There was this one morbid pic of a girl lying helplessly on the floor, arms outstretched. Amir said,

"Damn, I should not have played futsal last night."

A funnier thing happened, we were looking at this photo of me and were commenting on the fact that even though people won't recognize me because I look so different, they are going to see my bracelets. Yeah, I wore them for every single picture. And we were laughing about some joke when suddenly we heard a voice right behind us.

"Eh, Ana lah ni. Ni Ana!"

Amir and I looked at one another and slowly we turned.

"Eh, Ana!"

My juniors from uni came to the exhibition. I was really impressed with this whole idea of 6degrees and what not. The night was halfly spent on avoiding suspicious glances from people. Like, macam ku kenal muka ni, tapi dimana ya?

And then abg Ahmad came with his sister and her friend, he managed to squeeze some 15 minutes of fame by joining the didjeridoo. Being the expert guitarist that he is, didn't find it such a problem to join in the music. Man, he's that good. He could make an alternative song easily.

They had to leave early, so later found me singing with Amir playing the guitar like there's no care in the world. It was great, it felt great, I should do it more often. By then, the crowds were shrinking so it didn't make any difference if I was making a fool out myself. Then Amir had to leave so I went and joined the others.

Justynn stopped by, took a look at her photo and instantly decided to buy it. Congratulations Pek Thong, you have one buyer! Hehe.. She didn't stay long since she's taking extra care of her health and should be sleeping early. So, the gang and I went for supper in the concrete garden at the corner end of the gallery.

All of us were seated around the table, eating ubi and pulut with ikan masin courtesy of Naim's mom. Best giler! Sorry guys, no more teka-teki from me. It was great to be able to sit down and just laze around after perhaps a hard day's work. I feel so honored to be a part of the exhibition, even though I didn't do much other than struck a pose.. a few poses.. a lot of poses.

Anyway, I will be going there again this weekend. I know, Little Ms. Vain is no longer a suspicion.

The gang.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Check this out!

TODAY! sepetiktelunjuk 1st-15th April

Please come and bring your friends along! See you later, seriously.