Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Friday, April 21, 2006



I have a very close friend that I care about a lot. But it seems that he doesn't think that I care about him enough. I'm sorry. I guess I haven't been a good friend. There's no valid excuse, maybe I'm just not a good friend to begin with.

I used to have the biggest crush on him, but my girlish silliness went away when I realize that it was just that, a crush. But somehow, I'm thankful because as I grew up and so many things happened in between, I came to realize that what I feel for him now is worth more than the stars and the moon put together. How do you explain the love you have for your best friend? You can't, you just do.

I know 'he's just a friend' is way overused. But, somehow that's just it. I'm sorry. I can't give more to the relationship than what I already have. And that's also not an excuse for my part. Yet, I didn't lie when I said he was special, he still is.

Would it be easier if I tell him that I don't want things to change, I'm selfish and I want him to always be there for me regardless of who he's with and who I'm with, I just want that special bond that we have to always be. I want us to one day look back and laugh at how foolish we were to blow it out of proportion.

So, what have I done wrong here? What hope was there to give when maybe there shouldn't have been any in the first place? Am I cruel for being misguided and confused? Wouldn't it be simple just to accept it as it is, that I don't know? I didn't know what I was doing then, do I actually know what I'm doing now? Of course not and that's just how it's going to be.

I'm sorry but I really have no excuse and I don't think I'll ever know the answers except that things happen because we allow them to become. I guess that was long overdue.