Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

a letter to the ghost of a lover

dear loved one,

i so hate you right now. i hate the fact that i could barely sleep last night and im afraid of going to sleep tonight in case the same thing happens again and i would be tossing and turning and wishing i was back at home where i was happy wishing for air-conditioning instead of really having it over here. i wanted so much to tell you things i knew i wont be telling you if i had waited a while. its like i have to get it out or it will fade out in time and somehow time seems to crawl yet it doesnt help in retaining what i wish to keep.

is it so hard to show a bit of understanding, compassion knowing how difficult it is to starve yourself in the future just so you could keep it going? i've never asked for much and when i did you said i was demanding. maybe i am and if you dont like it maybe i wont demand anything ever again, maybe i'll just forget.

i rather not be taken at all than be taken for granted. i think i've made it clear to you before time and time again. dont ask me what you didnt do, tell me what you have done then maybe you'd see how frustrated i am. i love you but maybe its better to hurt not loving you than hurting when i know you wont ever feel or care as much about us as i do.

honey, im tired and i want to cry but tears get stuck halfway and i know its too easy to let it go but somehow i just cant. i miss you.