Ghost

Long time no bloggie. I will attempt to conclude some things in this entry, if you don't mind. The thing is, I often wonder if I have yet to lay my ghosts to rest. Am I still affected by the past? If so, how much? How do we quantify our feelings so we could have fix numbers and hard facts of where we stand? And if that is not possible, how do we know that we've moved on?

Funny, I know I would sound like a person unable to let go. Am I unable or is it a matter of wanting to hold on? Just so I could lament and ramble on and on about my strings of doomed love. Just so I could write depressing songs about unrequited infatuations and poor people diagnosed with broken hearts. If that was the case, then it's true that I am sadistic.

What if I am that sort of person? Self-destructive, quick to be suspicious of too much happiness. Like I know, I just don't deserve it and it would probably melt like a box of crayons forgotten, left under a burning spotlight. Maybe I sabotage things subconsciously to test whether it'll work out. I have been told that it was me all along, the spoiler, so it might be true.

But, who cares? I don't want anybody back. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting my time lamenting about it here. I'll be too busy strategizing my plan of action. So what am I doing now really? Indulging in a little love affair with my honey, my life, my guitar. Oh yes, it's smooth and curvy, makes the right sounds if handle properly and best of all, just enough happiness to last for a long long time. I am content.

can you see this cut,
above my heart,
the one that you drew,
and pierced through

i gave you the knife,
that took away my life
and now,
i'm haunting you

the blood on you is real
and my death was not fake
i died the day you took my heart to break
i should have known that you
would never understand
the little boy pretends that he's a man

did i give you a scare
did you even care
the tears i've shed for you
are more than a few

i gave you the rope
that took away my hope
and now,
i'm tied to you

the blood on you is real
and my death was not fake
i died the day you took my heart to break
i should have known that you
would never understand
the little boy pretends that he's a man

foolish lover, now she's a ghost,
drifting in despair and nobody cares.

Words and music by Ana Raffali (anaraffali muzik ent.)

Note to self. Try writing a positive song. See if you could actually do it.

EDITED:

I performed this song live in Layar Tanchap Merdeka. I was awfully nervous since it was my first time performing this song and I haven't been playing it for a while. ;p