.: Small Heart(s) live performance

On the 3rd of March 2007, I went back to my old college where I did my pre-degree course back in 2003. A lot of things have changed since I last visited the place but this entry will not be touching on that. Instead, I'm gonna talk about my experience singing my very own song in front of the general public.

Some of you may or may not know that I wrote this one song called small heart(s). Lets just say that I was inspired to write it after drinking "a can of honey" and got drunk on love.

Anyway, I was very careful when it comes to the lyrics this time. I'm not sure why, usually when I write songs, the words just appear and fits itself into the melody. This time I had some time to think about what I wanted to say. And so it became;

My eyes have read your thoughts in sounds
in my despair I see no bounds
sketches of dreams agleam in white
with patches of dark colored spite

*each day my heart becomes smaller
I'd sell my soul to grow taller
to reach you again and again
will you burn and cry for me then

tease me with your sweet promises
though they suffocate my senses
I would endure this suffering
by your heart to heart murmuring

repeat *

I've waited so long to be healed
now all these things pierced through my shield
I never thought the one I seek
would render me completely weak

repeat *

satin leash tied to my collar
I have wondered which is crueler
to wait in pain or die in vain
take me or leave me locked and chained.

Words and music by Ana Raffali (anaraffali muzik ent.)

So, that's as honest as I could get with that. Guitar playing wise, somehow I develop a fingerpicking skill for this song, I'm not exactly sure where I might have stolen the sequence but it sound perfect for the song. I remember testing it out at home by singing and playing at the same time until Jannah was practically crying, "enough about selling your soul lah!!" Thanks for the support, sis!

When abg Ahmad came to visit during raya, I played the song and he offered to play the John Mayer version for me to post on youtube. It was funny enough singing your own song out loud, but to have everyone wanting to contribute to the video was beyond hilarious. Acat was doing some dirty dancing, Jan was stomping her way wearing Ahmad's brand new pair of crocs and my mom, well she was just curious. And not to forget our little customers that came over to our house to get some ice-blended delights. All in all, it was a fiesta and a memorable one indeed.

So I kept on practicing and showing it to my bandmates. And when the time came to decide what we should do for this one particular performance, Icky said we should stick to small hearts (he added the s) as opposed to my all time favorite, creep by radiohead.

I nearly turned yellow and chickened out. I was so nervous, my tummy disagreed with me. It was almost unbearable. But when I got up there, I just had to sing. And it was awesome, the feeling of having almost everyone in the room listening to the voice of your heart to me was magical. I remembered someone, my very own muse, telling me;

"Great artists convince their audience that their art is about them, and no one else. You could go to a show and see some singer and you will swear that singer is singing those words right to you, regardless of the fact that there are hundreds of people in the room. That's what great artists do."

He was right and it was worth it.

The thing is I'm beginning to hold a suspicion that this song somehow strangely draws distraction whenever it is performed in public. I hope to disprove this, but I suppose I need to develop the discipline of not panicking when everything around you works its own way.

EDITED:

This is the latest version of the song with minor changes in the lyrics