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Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Fun day at the beach

Little Ms. Ana also happens to be Little Ms. Scorpio. For those of you who are aware of what that is all about, I bet you’re heaving a sigh of “No wonder…” Yes, this blog is a testament to the complexity of my character. If you haven’t yet noticed, some days I would write about trivial unimportant things, and on every other day something really weird comes out of the blue. This is because it has always been difficult for me to just float on the surface without uncovering what lies beneath. Today is the every-other-day and I’m writing about the old Ana and the sea.

As one who is born under this particular sign, where the element is water and it is fixed, I have always been intensely attracted to the sea. Perhaps as any body of water becomes a mirror to the sky, so is the sea a reflection of my very being. Who would have known that despite the unthreatening, impassive surface, turbulent passions are always stirring underneath?Hehe.. I know that sounds corny.

That is why I needed an avenue to express myself, I needed something to help me sort my thoughts out. And I found that through writing, singing and random conversations with both strangers and friends. If I was to keep everything to myself, my feelings would turn against me by blurring the lines between what is real and what is temporary, what will always be and what will soon fade away. These feelings would become imprisoned, even destructive like a time bomb slowly ticking my life away. Why put together something that you would have to disarm later?

My needs would often subject me to obsessive compulsions which can be resistant to reason. I do things out of the moment and I say things out of my head. Sometimes, they were received well, others highly unlikely. I can recall the number of times where I might have been too frank for my own good but people tend to overlook the fact that it’s not out of meanness. I’m sorry sweetie… I don’t make it a sport to hurt anybody’s feelings. Not my fault you’re ultra-sensitive today.
Back to speaking metaphorically as in I am the sea, wet and wild, with a tendency to regard my surroundings as fishy. It’s really hard for me to trust just about anyone. Relationships can be a little complicated, especially with the opposite sex (We girls get along very fine). Supposedly, the typical Scorpio is interested in marriage and long-term commitment. Furthermore, to us love is an intensely passionate and enduring emotion that may be directed at one person only. The first is true in my case, for I am an idealist. As for the second, it depends on the definition of love. I do not restrict love for lovers since that would be too selfish nor do I squander lusty affections to the lusty affectionate people I meet on the street since that would be overly kind. Therefore, the love that I have for my guy friends are far from being backup plans in case of emergency. Call it a character flaw, but I find it impossible to allow myself to desire someone that I grew to love over time in ways that could make even the experienced blush.

Let us dive into this. When I meet someone for the first time, being a creature driven by intuition, I could naturally assess whether that person will be a friend or provided that I play my cards right and he has good hands, more than just that. I suppose it’s safer that way. I mean if I see things not working out, we can instantly switch to being just friends. I know you might think that it’ll be the same for the other case since you can always go back to being friends. But through everything that has happened, would you necessarily be able to trust your feelings for each other ever again? I do not want to take such risk, at least for now.

In conclusion, as complex as I may appear to be and as complicated as I am, it only takes a person with an open mind and a kind heart to really see what I am made of.