.

Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Friday, November 16, 2007

one of those ridiculous dreams (again)

I had one of the most ridiculous dreams again.

I was married to this young feudal lord of futuristic times. I can't remember exactly how or who he looked like but I'm pretty damn sure he had a nice military bod with a winsome smile. I must have been in love with him to be married and worse to be sharing him with another girl (in holy matrimony) who was younger than my 22, perhaps she was 16-17.

I bet most guys would love to hear whether this dream involves a threesome of which a descriptive account would be most welcomed. Unfortunately for both me and you, it was devoid of any sexually explicit content. I don't think dear hubby got any scenes of which he managed to exercise his marital rights to either one of us, probably since it's my dream anyway and I of course despise having to share my man in bed. I guess the focus was more on the emotional ties between this love triangle.

From what I could remember, it was a decent existence. I busied myself with running the household, the child busied herself with matters I'm not concerned with, the idiot (for any guy who won't settle for one is an idiot) busied himself with his feudalistic duties. In time I realized the nature of our relationship, Man + Me = Lovers; Me + Girl = Friends; Girl + Man = Friends and lovers.

I noticed how close Man was to Girl, and despite my jealous streak I was okay with it. Like I understood that Man needed Girl whatever his reasons may be, and at the same time he needed me too. And my dream person needed him more so that was why I could accept the arrangement. There's this saying, "Don't marry the person you can live with, marry the person you can't live without".

I was pondering on the significance of this dream when I realize that perhaps it's not so much of the physical presence of this Girl in our (dream) lives, but more of the emotional effect it has over me. Which is, surprisingly, not really a bother at all. I wasn't angry or griping over the injustice of having to share, in fact I was just living with it, treating him with as much love as I was willing to give and at the same time acknowledging this other Girl as being important to him possibly even more than I could ever be.

But what makes this such a change from the usual unrequited love is the fact that, it is not unrequited. Man chose to be with me because of his love for me. Personally, this is all I need really. Someone I love dearly who loves me as much if not more, regardless of his emotional attachment to anyone else because what we have is really between just the two of us.

So, I'm okay with sharing as long as I can be with the person I love who loves me as well. But perhaps, this dream isn't really about me. Maybe it's a reflection of the person I think could deal with the worst of me, someone who understands my need for emotional attachment on old ghosts apart from him.