Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Saturday, November 10, 2007


I got myself sketched by an artist. I was told by a number of people that it doesn't look at all like me, but like some random old lady. Personally, I like it. I like the idea that what's on paper is how that one person sees me. And others may argue that the mouth is too big or the eyes are too small or the subject is too old, but I'll always be to that person as I was in his eyes.

On another note, I was also told that I look very different in my art photos taken by my photographer friends. The makeup and dresses aside, I believe the reason why I may not look like my ordinary self is because of the person who sees me through his lens. The photographer same as the artist captures what he believes may best represent what it is that I convey through my presence. With a click of that button, I found my self that was always there but people weren't able to see before.

So, I've come to the conclusion that each person that I become acquaintance with will only see their personal version of Ana. And as people differ in their beliefs and likes, so will their view or understanding of who I am differ. But I don't really blame people for any misconceptions. I do understand the fact that people only see what they want to see, at the same time they also see what I would allow them to see.

So the question would be; Who are you really? Are you the sum of everyone's version of who you really are? Or are you only the version you have of yourself? Is it even possible that there is such a thing as the real you when most of the time you find yourself acting and reacting quite differently with some individuals? What about the times when you surprise those who know you long by behaving so unlike your usual self? Is the supposedly real you, who you are then as well?

Hearts change, people change. I don't think that anybody should claim to know their true selves the most. Perhaps, it is through another pair of eyes that the image in the mirror reflects what is true within. I take pleasure in discovering myself through the connections I have with certain close individuals in my life. Without their versions of me, I don't think it's possible to be, not so much who I am, but truly who I hope to become. The best Ana is the only Ana worth knowing.