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Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Tell Me by ANH Raffali Act 5

Act 5.

Scene : NURUL is sitting on the bench in the park, playing with the guitar. MIKAIL enters.

MIKAIL : Wow, you’re early!

NURUL : I guessed I’ve learnt my lesson.

MIKAIL : That’s a surprise. I thought you never learn.

NURUL : I do, with the right teacher.

MIKAIL : So I’m a good teacher, huh? (He sits down.)

NURUL : You’re the best.

MIKAIL : It looks like we’re off to a pleasant start.

NURUL : Oh, don’t keep your hopes up. The excess urge to wring your neck from the last time you teased me into oblivion is still there.

MIKAIL : Oh, will you ever learn to forgive?

NURUL : Will I ever learn to forget?

MIKAIL : Start taking notes.

NURUL : Yes, sir!

MIKAIL : (Laughs heartily.) Can I have the guitar?

NURUL : Here. (She hands it to him.)

MIKAIL : (He starts playing, superbly. NURUL sings somehow with difficulty.)

[SONG]

NURUL : That’s beautiful. It’s my favorite song of all time.

MIKAIL : Same here.

NURUL : Mikail, can I ask you a question?

MIKAIL : You should just ask, what’s the point in asking whether you could ask me in the first place?

NURUL : Why… I mean, what made you decide not to sign up for another cornea transplant? Don’t you ever want to restore your sight? I know it’ll be a very, very long list, but at least you’re trying to make a change.

MIKAIL : Why would I want to make a change?

NURUL : Well, don’t you want to see again? See what life really has to offer you. There are so many beautiful things to look at, books to read; paintings to appreciate. Don’t you think you’ll be missing out a lot on life?

MIKAIL : What makes you think that I can’t see anything beautiful anymore? I may not be able to see, but that doesn’t mean I’m blinded with my shortcoming that I’m not able to enjoy my life to its fullest. I still have my other senses, Nurul. I feel life coursing through my veins and I’m thankful.

NURUL : I know, but you gave it up for a noble cause. It’s only right that you receive it back, if possible.

MIKAIL : You’re right on one thing, I gave it up. Why should I deny another person the chance to have it if it would make him or her happy? I know I don’t need it to make me happy. I already am.

NURUL : I didn’t know that you would think of it that way. I admire your strength, Mikail. I wish it wasn’t so hard for me to be perfectly content with my own life.

MIKAIL : Why is it hard for you to be content?

NURUL : Well, it’s because I always want things that I don’t have, things I believe I need to be happy, but sometimes, I’m too scared to try and get it because I know I might not have it in the end. Am I making any sense?

MIKAIL : You mean you’re afraid that things might not turn out to be as you want it to be.

NURUL : Exactly.

MIKAIL : But, that’s life. You might not necessarily get what you want, but maybe what you have now is really all that you need. Fear only makes you think too much and lose the whole point. Lose it.

NURUL : I always have this fear that what if one day, I would wake up to find that I can’t sing anymore. Just like that, it’s taken away from me. I know I’ll die. I would give everything to get it back. I’m nothing without it. I’m as good as dead.

MIKAIL : In that case, you should start living. Enjoy what you have now; be happy because you have it in you to just be. No more fears of losing what you have, because maybe you don’t need it to be happy in the first place.

NURUL : Mikail, what if I lose you?

MIKAIL : (Laughs.) What gives you that idea?

NURUL : What if one day, things change and we don’t even talk anymore?

MIKAIL : If it is within my powers, I won’t let it happen.

NURUL : Really? You mean; we’ll always have each other, we’ll always be this close?

MIKAIL : If that’s what you want, you can count on it.

NURUL : Of course that’s what I want. I want us to always be together. In fact, I can’t explain it but… I think I like you. No, I’m in love with you and I don’t know why but I seriously think that so far, you’re the one. There, I’ve said it.

MIKAIL : Nurul…

NURUL : You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I don’t want to put any pressure on you. You don’t have to say anything.

MIKAIL : Well, I don’t know what to say. What would you have expected me to say?

NURUL : I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I feel so relieved talking to you about it.

MIKAIL : Nurul… Can I just say something, before anything else?

NURUL : Go ahead, I’ve already embarrassed myself in front of you.

MIKAIL : No, you don’t have to feel embarrassed in front of me. It’s only me.

NURUL : No, it’s especially you… You were going to say something?

MIKAIL : Nurul, what if I tell you that I also have feelings for you? That I think I know how you feel, the good times that we have all the time are not just play pretend.

NURUL : Is that even a question? Oh my God, Mikail, of course I’ll be happy. I might even just burst.

MIKAIL : Don’t go off bursting just yet. I might find it really hard picking up your leftovers. God forbid, I might have to wrestle with the stray cats and dogs around here for your pieces.

NURUL : Ewe… You don’t have to go that far!

MIKAIL : I really do enjoy your company, Nurul. I look forward to meeting with you every time, just to talk, even if it’s about nothing. Although I can’t see you, I imagine you to be this bright and bubbly, impatient little imp that’s forever being mischievous.

NURUL : Oh, no. You think I’m green?

MIKAIL : Oh, are you telling me that you’re not?

NURUL : (Laughs.) You’re impossible.

MIKAIL : That’s not true. I am doable.

NURUL : Are you suggesting that I do you?

MIKAIL : Do you want to do me?

NURUL : Do you want me to want myself to do you?

MIKAIL : Do you want yourself to want me to want you to do me?

NURUL : Does doing you mean I get done myself?

MIKAIL : What are you doing?

NURUL : What are YOU doing?

MIKAIL : (Laughs.) It’s funny that we can actually make fun about it.

NURUL : Make fun about what?

MIKAIL : Well, being suggestive and it’s nothing.

NURUL : Yeah, it’s nothing. (She sinks in her thoughts.)

MIKAIL : What’s wrong?

NURUL : Nothing.

MIKAIL : Something’s wrong. What is it?

NURUL : Actually, I was thinking, if this is as good as it gets. Is there any possibility that there might be more to this than just… nothing?

MIKAIL : I don’t get what you mean.

NURUL : I know that I said that I don’t want to pressure you for anything. Come to think of it, I lied. All this while, I’ve been waiting for a chance to tell you how I feel, and somehow I was hoping that maybe, just maybe you might just be more than a good friend to me.

MIKAIL : Nurul… I thought we understood each other.

NURUL : What am I supposed to understand? You haven’t actually explained anything.

MIKAIL : What do you want me to say then?

NURUL : Tell me that you want to give us a chance.

MIKAIL : I can’t. Not in the way that you want.

NURUL : You can’t or you don’t want to?

MIKAIL : How am I to tell you this? You’re not making it any easier.

NURUL : Just say it.

MIKAIL : Fine. I can’t give you what you want, Nurul.

NURUL : What do you know about what I want?

MIKAIL : I can’t be the one to make you happy.

NURUL : Why not?

MIKAIL : I care about you, but I can’t be responsible for your happiness.

NURUL : What? What are you saying?

MIKAIL : There’s a girl that I’ve known for years.

NURUL : Oh, no.

MIKAIL : She’s in my union for the handicapped. She’s brilliant, she’s confident, she’s strong, she understands me so well, and we’re good for each other.

NURUL : This can’t be happening.

MIKAIL : We’re getting engaged.

NURUL : What? How? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?

MIKAIL : You never ask.

NURUL : I never asked? Oh, I’m so, so stupid! I’m a stupid fool, that’s what I am. All this while, I thought that it was special. I thought I was special.

MIKAIL : You are special, Nurul.

NURUL : Then why are you doing this to me? How come I didn’t know? How come you’ve never told me? Oh my God, I wouldn’t have fallen for you so badly if I had known. She got you long before I came, she had you all along.

MIKAIL : I didn’t know it was important to you. I thought what we have was enough.

NURUL : Of course it was important to me. I should have known. I wouldn’t set myself up for this, wishing for something more if I knew that this was just it.

MIKAIL : I’m sorry.

NURUL : No, that’s not fair. You can’t expect me to forgive you for what you’ve done. It’s bad enough that I can’t take back what I said, I can’t erase how I feel for you, it’s worse knowing that I’m nothing, nothing all this while.

MIKAIL : I don’t think you’re nothing. You’re not, nothing.

NURUL : Then, what am I to you?

MIKAIL : You’re… You’re…

NURUL : You don’t even know yourself?

MIKAIL : I don’t want to lose you, Nurul.

NURUL : Remember what you said, Mikail? You don’t have to be afraid of losing what you have, maybe you don’t need it to be happy in the first place.

MIKAIL : Don’t, please let me explain.

NURUL : That won’t be necessary. Congratulations, Mikail. I hope you’ll be happy, for your sake. I hope to God, you’ll be happy losing me. (She leaves.)

Lights fade out.