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Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Why I'll always wear these bracelets...

Three years.

It's hard to believe that it has been three years since my lovely sis passed away. So many things have happened, things I wish I could share with her.

When I went to Sepang to see Valentino Rossi two years ago, I bet if she was still alive, she would be the one who took me there. She knew that I was insanely in love with Vale, I remembered her coming home one day many years ago with a Malaysian MotoGP programme book that her company did. It featured a full page poster of Vale of which I've brought everywhere from MRSM Pendang to UiTM Bukit Sekilau to Seksyen 17. It's all wrinkly now, but then Vale all smiling face was a reminder of one of the happiest day of my life, when my sis said, "I have something for you." She always had something to give, always with something to share.

Kak Ima had always been fascinated with stones, tiger eye, rose quartz, carnelian, to name a few were among her favorites. She gave me my first stone bracelet, black obsidians flanked by clear crystal quartzs, for no special occasion. I was so in awe of the shining little globes that I was sure that I'm gonna wear it forever. She said obsidian is my birthstone. It was no wonder that, when my 15th birthday drew near, she couldn't wait to give me my second bracelet, which was a string of blue obsidian.

I almost never took the pair off, I have it everywhere I go, even in showers. It was always there, in every pictures I have ever taken. Even when she was gone, I almost refused to change the dirtied strings because that was among the last things that she did. One night a couple of days before she died, she took all of our bracelets, my mom included, and piece them together with new strings. It was not after a year later that I finally visited the old shop in CM with Kak Sue, mummy and Jannah. I got my paycheck with RTM so I wanted to treat the girls to something that would last a lifetime. I know that was what Kak Ima would do. She was always giving unconditionally and with that she taught me how to be generous with what I have.

I got mummy her lapis lazuli. And for the other two, we decided to each get a carnelian in remembrance of our sweetheart. She adored her carnelian. Red stones around my wrist, warmth of a friend that I would always feel when I picture her laughter. So, each time I look at what I have that reminds me of her, apart from the al-Fatihah, there’s always the feeling of intense gladness that when blood gave us each other, love immediately kept us together, and even now I still have her in my mind.

It's amazing that once you've accepted the way things are, you no longer feel enveloped by a sense of forlorn discontent, instead you feel happy that even if it was for such a short time that God graced us with her presence, she left so many wonderful things on Earth. Not just earthly possessions, beautiful memories, full of love, that would forever be there to make us be thankful for the gift of life.