Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Salt and Cooking

I had a very peculiar dream. I was cooking (nope, that's not the peculiar part). I was making gulai ayam masak lemak cili api, I've put all the ingredients inside except for the most crucial of all, which is salt. My reasoning in this dream was that, I wanted to wait for the exact specific moment to toss in the salt to make the cooking superb. That there is actually one specific point in time to put in the salt so that the cooking would be incredibly sumptuous.

I don't know why, but I turned my back away from the pot for just one second and then suddenly the camera zoomed into the pot and I saw that it was half empty. I saw my brothers eating my gulai and I heard them say,
"Gee, Ana. This is really good, if it weren't too tasteless."
"I think you should have put in more salt."

Impatient little imps.

When I woke up, I realize the significance of this dream.

I can wait, forever if I want to, for the right moment, the exact time to do whatever that needs to be done. But the things is, other people don't wait the same way as you. Time goes by without you having a say in it at all.

When I was talking to Faizah about it, she told me that I could have put in the salt at anytime, I should just do it. Instead, I chose to wait and wait and wait and then I was too late to make any difference, I waited in vain.

My point is, should I keep on waiting for something only to see it gone in the end? There is that risk that it wouldn't work out in the end. Why should I be the one that has to suffer everyday hoping that someday things will turn out exactly as I hope it would be? That someday I'll see the fruits of my constant and never-ending effort to get what I wanted. Why should I hurt myself for anyone?

I don't want to wait anymore. I'm just gonna walk on by.