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Philosophical cow dung on the life of little Ms. Imperfectly Fine.

Monday, October 31, 2005

calming effect

I'm falling into the phase where I've accepted things as it is and I'm trying not to sound too hopelessly dramatic about my so called non-existent love life. The effect is great, no more tortured laments of the could-have-beens and endless frustration over the smallest misunderstood signs. Of course, now and then, I would throw the occasional remarks of how great he really is, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that because it's true.

He's intelligent and quite a fashionable nerd with exceptional guitar skills and excellent mannerism. Polite in conversation, brilliant in explaining and not to mention a little adorably geeky. I dare not say he's handsome, but there's something in him that surpasses mere looks that seems so fascinating to me. One thing certain, he has a good heart. And that's the short and the long version of the reasons why I'm hooked on this one particular person on Earth. I’ve come to this understanding that, so what if I like him, that's not my problem, it's his. I let him deal with it if he feels that he has to. But, there's no pressure, honest. I don't expect him to have the obligation to return my feelings. Nope, I think I've gone beyond that.

In fact, I'm beginning to think that despite all my efforts to convince everyone that he's just perfect for me, I'm not exactly sure myself. No surprise. You see, there are two different people in one person. The one that I think he is and the real him that I've yet to know.

So far, he's exactly as I thought he'd be and worst, even better. It's harder to let go now. And why should I even consider that I have to? He's currently not married or anything such as that. With my informed choice, I'm not doing anything harmful.

Put it in a positive light, people change, hearts change. If he doesn't, in time I will. So what if I really, really like him at this moment. That's his problem to deal with; my problem is my upcoming exams of which my whole future depends upon.

"It is not you I love. I love to love as I love you. I am not counting on anything from you, my beloved. I expect nothing of you save my love for you. Anna de Noailles"